Please invite your friends to come and meet Alan at the following book signing event:
July 12, 2008, 2pm
Barnes & Noble, Queens Bayside
23-80 Bell Blvd.
Bayside, NY 11361
718-224-1083
Please note the following additions to Alan's calendar:
August 2008
Portland, Oregon
&
Seattle, WA
August 20, 2008
Third Place Books
17171 Bothell Way NE
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155
Tel: 206-366-3333
September 2008
Ann Arbor, MI
October 11th
Yoga for Life Event
near South Fallsburg, NY
More Details to Follow.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
"Living from the Heart"
Dear Friends,
A very dear friend of mine, someone that I have known for many years, was extremely depressed and unhappy over his inability to have a meaningful relationship with his daughter. Her distrust and anger for him was enormous and no matter what he did their relationship continued to grow further apart.
One day, out of sheer frustration, he called me and began rambling on about how unreasonable and insensitive his daughter was. He went on this way for quite some time until I was able to get his attention and ask him a question.
"You have been sharing with me that your daughter has caused you much frustration and disappointment," I said. "You have told me that she is unreasonable and insensitive, that she continues to have a negative attitude toward you, no matter what you say or do. You have told me how she is hurting you, how selfish she is and how unloved she makes you feel, and that she refuses to change.
My question to you is this, and please don't answer too quickly-I would encourage you to take a real good look at it---Is there something that you might have contributed to this situation? Are the things that you are asking of your daughter, the changes you are asking her to make, are they meant to benefit you or her? Are they truly a giving to her or subtly meant to help make YOU feel better? In essence, are they a taking in disguise?
A few days later he called me back and said he had thought deeply about what I had said and came to realize that he really did want his daughter to change so that he would feel better. He saw that he really loved his daughter but he wasn't sure how to go about it-a very honest and beautiful realization, one that must have taken great courage on his part.
It was then that I said-"The best thing you can do for your daughter is to love yourself, to come, unconditionally, from your heart, without motive or expectation-ultimately, to offer your love, not to notice her faults and limitations. What she wants is your love, not to be fixed or changed. Until you have touched your own heart, the source of your love, what you are giving her are your expectations, judgments and desires, and all of these are products of the mind and emotions and will only further create separation and anger.
I suggested that he experiment with his relationship and try something different. Instead of "finding her out," seeing in her what he thought was insensitive and unloving, see only her heart and the love he had for her. "No matter what she does or says," I said, "continue to stay close to your heart and offer back only loving thoughts and compassionate understanding. It may be a bit tricky at first but stay with it, give it some time and see what happens. After all, what you have been doing up until now hasn't worked. What have to got to lose?"
Over the next few months the transformation in their relationship was amazing. The more he just simply offered his unconditional love, slowly her anger was replaced with a tentative curiosity. After a while she began to lighten up and share some of her insecurities and fears with him. He practiced listening and patience-which are forms of love-and saw that he had never really listened or acknowledged her before. Now he was allowing his heart to guide him and he realized that he no longer had to be "The Doer," the one who was always trying to figure things out and analyze what to do.
Now their relationship is bringing him the satisfaction and joy that he had longed for so desperately. The interesting thing is that the minute he changed, so did she. Even more amazing, he has now opened his new understanding even further, and has taken this same practice and applied it to everyone and everything. The result is that everyday he is experiencing his life with new meaning and joy. He literally sings with gratitude.
A great being once said, "When we give from our heart, we give its contents, which is love. When we give this love to someone, this love has to pass through us first, before it gets to another. So giving love and receiving love is the same event. So the more we love ourselves, the more we can offer that love back out again. Whether another willingly accepts this love consciously or not, it will always have its effects."
Please tell me, aside from giving our love to ourselves and the world, what more can we do?
"The best thing I can do for you is to love me." I can't give you what I don't have.
Love and blessings,
Alan
A very dear friend of mine, someone that I have known for many years, was extremely depressed and unhappy over his inability to have a meaningful relationship with his daughter. Her distrust and anger for him was enormous and no matter what he did their relationship continued to grow further apart.
One day, out of sheer frustration, he called me and began rambling on about how unreasonable and insensitive his daughter was. He went on this way for quite some time until I was able to get his attention and ask him a question.
"You have been sharing with me that your daughter has caused you much frustration and disappointment," I said. "You have told me that she is unreasonable and insensitive, that she continues to have a negative attitude toward you, no matter what you say or do. You have told me how she is hurting you, how selfish she is and how unloved she makes you feel, and that she refuses to change.
My question to you is this, and please don't answer too quickly-I would encourage you to take a real good look at it---Is there something that you might have contributed to this situation? Are the things that you are asking of your daughter, the changes you are asking her to make, are they meant to benefit you or her? Are they truly a giving to her or subtly meant to help make YOU feel better? In essence, are they a taking in disguise?
A few days later he called me back and said he had thought deeply about what I had said and came to realize that he really did want his daughter to change so that he would feel better. He saw that he really loved his daughter but he wasn't sure how to go about it-a very honest and beautiful realization, one that must have taken great courage on his part.
It was then that I said-"The best thing you can do for your daughter is to love yourself, to come, unconditionally, from your heart, without motive or expectation-ultimately, to offer your love, not to notice her faults and limitations. What she wants is your love, not to be fixed or changed. Until you have touched your own heart, the source of your love, what you are giving her are your expectations, judgments and desires, and all of these are products of the mind and emotions and will only further create separation and anger.
I suggested that he experiment with his relationship and try something different. Instead of "finding her out," seeing in her what he thought was insensitive and unloving, see only her heart and the love he had for her. "No matter what she does or says," I said, "continue to stay close to your heart and offer back only loving thoughts and compassionate understanding. It may be a bit tricky at first but stay with it, give it some time and see what happens. After all, what you have been doing up until now hasn't worked. What have to got to lose?"
Over the next few months the transformation in their relationship was amazing. The more he just simply offered his unconditional love, slowly her anger was replaced with a tentative curiosity. After a while she began to lighten up and share some of her insecurities and fears with him. He practiced listening and patience-which are forms of love-and saw that he had never really listened or acknowledged her before. Now he was allowing his heart to guide him and he realized that he no longer had to be "The Doer," the one who was always trying to figure things out and analyze what to do.
Now their relationship is bringing him the satisfaction and joy that he had longed for so desperately. The interesting thing is that the minute he changed, so did she. Even more amazing, he has now opened his new understanding even further, and has taken this same practice and applied it to everyone and everything. The result is that everyday he is experiencing his life with new meaning and joy. He literally sings with gratitude.
A great being once said, "When we give from our heart, we give its contents, which is love. When we give this love to someone, this love has to pass through us first, before it gets to another. So giving love and receiving love is the same event. So the more we love ourselves, the more we can offer that love back out again. Whether another willingly accepts this love consciously or not, it will always have its effects."
Please tell me, aside from giving our love to ourselves and the world, what more can we do?
"The best thing I can do for you is to love me." I can't give you what I don't have.
Love and blessings,
Alan
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